As I sit here and try to think about what to write about, the only thing that comes to my mind is life and the very reason I think we are here on this planet. I know I wouldn't have understood it three years ago, even though I thought that I did. I didn't understand to much of anything until God gave me the smack down. Haha, the smack down, that's what I like to call it anyway. I say the same thing to my kids when they act up. "You be playin around,you be layin around", I say; just jokingly of coarse. What I mean by all of this is the lessons of life. I believe that our life lessons are the purpose of our existence.
Looking back I think about what a punk I really was, all the while thinking I knew everything. I'm not saying I know everything now, but I am so, so much wiser than before. Many people and things can be teachers, but there is no greater teacher than God. God amazed me in the lesson he unfolded before me. This lesson is my life, why I live it and how it has shaped me into the person I am today. Each person,I imagine, will experience their own personal lessons. Mine couldn't have come at a more perfect time in my life. It was a time of self pity and depression. Alcoholism, sin and self-destruction were all on my "TEAM". I just thank God that Jesus was my coach that called me out to sit on his bench.
After all of these years of blocking out any internal thoughts of what is right and what is wrong,I finally turned to faith. Was it my own selfishness that kept me away from my spiritual growth or was it just my own sinful human nature? Was I forced into my spirituality? No, I chose to answer the knocking of Christ at my door and I couldn't be more happy. I sat on his bench and a veil was lifted off of my face. A veil of darkness that secluded me from really enjoying life. A veil that covered my eyes from so many things around me. Sometimes I feel like I see too much and my heart aches at the things I witness and the things I read about;things from the past and present in my life and in other peoples lives. I have heard the song Amazing Grace a million times, but until that veil was lifted I really never felt the song. I heard it the other day and now, finally, now I feel the song. Why did I wait so long? Accepting Christ truly is amazing grace. I believe people are here to grow and learn spiritually. I'm so excited for my personal growth everyday. My prayer is to see all people around me experience what I have and how I feel on a daily basis. I found this scripture in the bible after I made my own personal simile of Christ knocking at the door to my soul. I was stunned at the similarity:
19 "Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline.
So be earnest, and repent.20 Here I am!I stand
at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice
and opens the door,I will come in and eat with
him, and he with me.21 To him who overcomes,I will
give the right to sit with me on my throne,just as I
overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne.22
He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says
to the Churches."
Revelations 3 19-22
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Happy Kidney Transplant Anniversary Cruz!!
Today, February 10Th, is the one year anniversary of my son's kidney transplant. This time last year we were at Hershey Medical Center and I was the first one to go into surgery so they could take my kidney to give to Cruz. Our surgeries lasted a total of seven hours, but this experience will be with me for a lifetime.
In the Spring of 2008 we had been treating Cruz for high blood pressure for about a year when his family physician called me to say that he had just received Cruz's weekly blood work and that he was going into renal (kidney) failure. He told me that he needed to get to Hershey Medical Center asap! This is where we met his two amazing and brilliant pediatric nephrologist,(kidney doctors)Dr. Steven Wassner and Dr. Deborah Kees-Foltz. Briefly, I thought my nightmare had ended because we found doctors that were going to monitor Cruz and help his kidneys with medication and diet, but I soon realized that it had only just begun.
We were taking care of Cruz as best as we could but his creatinine levels were worsening faster and faster. By the time fall came around Cruz was on the strictest diet plan. I remember asking" What am I going to feed my kid,cotton balls?" Cruz eventually got too sick to go to school. He had no energy at all and was very pail. His doctors said that it was time for dialysis. The doctors explained that Peritoneal dialysis would be best for him. This is where a catheter is placed in your abdomen lining and a machine called the Cycler fills your peritoneum with a sugary fluid. To put it into easy terms, the fluid absorbs the toxins in your blood and then is drained into a bucket where it then fills you back up and drains you over and over again during a ten hour cycle.
Cruz had his peritoneal catheter surgically placed in October of 2008. We spent two and a half long weeks in the hospital. Cruz had complications with his oxygen levels
and ended up having other minor procedures done. During our stay we learned how to use the Cycler and how to prep Cruz every night to be hooked up to it. All of this happened so quickly and it was so overwhelming, I had no time to do anything else but focus completely on my child. There was an incident with his oxygen level that was so bad that twice in a row it had dropped to zero and his lips turned blue. Talk about a very scary moment in my life! Whew! He left the hospital with some energy, a catheter and no tonsils or adenoids.
Myself and Cruz's dad, Mike, were like medical pros after leaving the hospital. We would hook Cruz up to his Cycler every night at eight pm. Cruz would cry at first because he said that it hurt. It took some time to get him use to it. Cruz went back to school with his catheter under his shirt. He thought it was cool to show all of his friends his new piece of equipment and he was feeling great. Now, it was time to start testing for transplant donors. Mike and I happily went to every test the doctors had to perform on us to see if we were a match for Cruz. We had to do numerous blood test, test to check our hearts, and psychological test. The doctors chose me because of my size and I couldn't have been more happy. Cruz was a little upset at first because he didn't want a "girl" kidney. We all laughed at that.
The transplant was scheduled for February 10Th, 2009 and we had to be at the hospital at five am. The night before, Cruz's teacher came over and said and beautiful prayer with our family and friends. I was completely at ease that all of this was in God"s hands. We both went in to get our IVs and all the bells and whistles hooked up to us. I gave my family and Cruz a big hug and told them I loved them and then I was shipped off to surgery. They did my nephrectomy laparoscopically and pulled my kidney from a small incision above my pubic bone. When I woke up I was in extreme pain but it was all worth it. They inserted my kidney into Cruz by cutting a 10 inch incision down the middle of his belly. His surgeon was Dr. Aktar Khan and he was amazing.
The next three weeks was filled with many complications for Cruz, although his new kidney was doing excellent. He ended up going back to surgery a few days after because they wanted to make sure there wasn't an obstruction in his bowel. It turned out that his bowels were paralyzed from all of the anesthesia and surgery. When we finally got home,Cruz and I recovered together with so much support from our family,friends and community. Cruz's teacher came over everyday to catch him up on things he'd missed.
A year has passed so quickly and Cruz's kidney is still doing well. He takes many medications and has to get blood work and shots twice a week, but it's still all worth having my little boy to cuddle everyday. We recently found out Cruz has liver issues and may possibly need a liver transplant down the road. Hopefully, it's way down the road,but only time will tell. I urge everyone to have "organ donor" on their drivers license. Happy Anniversary Cruz!! I love you.
In the Spring of 2008 we had been treating Cruz for high blood pressure for about a year when his family physician called me to say that he had just received Cruz's weekly blood work and that he was going into renal (kidney) failure. He told me that he needed to get to Hershey Medical Center asap! This is where we met his two amazing and brilliant pediatric nephrologist,(kidney doctors)Dr. Steven Wassner and Dr. Deborah Kees-Foltz. Briefly, I thought my nightmare had ended because we found doctors that were going to monitor Cruz and help his kidneys with medication and diet, but I soon realized that it had only just begun.
We were taking care of Cruz as best as we could but his creatinine levels were worsening faster and faster. By the time fall came around Cruz was on the strictest diet plan. I remember asking" What am I going to feed my kid,cotton balls?" Cruz eventually got too sick to go to school. He had no energy at all and was very pail. His doctors said that it was time for dialysis. The doctors explained that Peritoneal dialysis would be best for him. This is where a catheter is placed in your abdomen lining and a machine called the Cycler fills your peritoneum with a sugary fluid. To put it into easy terms, the fluid absorbs the toxins in your blood and then is drained into a bucket where it then fills you back up and drains you over and over again during a ten hour cycle.
Cruz had his peritoneal catheter surgically placed in October of 2008. We spent two and a half long weeks in the hospital. Cruz had complications with his oxygen levels
and ended up having other minor procedures done. During our stay we learned how to use the Cycler and how to prep Cruz every night to be hooked up to it. All of this happened so quickly and it was so overwhelming, I had no time to do anything else but focus completely on my child. There was an incident with his oxygen level that was so bad that twice in a row it had dropped to zero and his lips turned blue. Talk about a very scary moment in my life! Whew! He left the hospital with some energy, a catheter and no tonsils or adenoids.
Myself and Cruz's dad, Mike, were like medical pros after leaving the hospital. We would hook Cruz up to his Cycler every night at eight pm. Cruz would cry at first because he said that it hurt. It took some time to get him use to it. Cruz went back to school with his catheter under his shirt. He thought it was cool to show all of his friends his new piece of equipment and he was feeling great. Now, it was time to start testing for transplant donors. Mike and I happily went to every test the doctors had to perform on us to see if we were a match for Cruz. We had to do numerous blood test, test to check our hearts, and psychological test. The doctors chose me because of my size and I couldn't have been more happy. Cruz was a little upset at first because he didn't want a "girl" kidney. We all laughed at that.
The transplant was scheduled for February 10Th, 2009 and we had to be at the hospital at five am. The night before, Cruz's teacher came over and said and beautiful prayer with our family and friends. I was completely at ease that all of this was in God"s hands. We both went in to get our IVs and all the bells and whistles hooked up to us. I gave my family and Cruz a big hug and told them I loved them and then I was shipped off to surgery. They did my nephrectomy laparoscopically and pulled my kidney from a small incision above my pubic bone. When I woke up I was in extreme pain but it was all worth it. They inserted my kidney into Cruz by cutting a 10 inch incision down the middle of his belly. His surgeon was Dr. Aktar Khan and he was amazing.
The next three weeks was filled with many complications for Cruz, although his new kidney was doing excellent. He ended up going back to surgery a few days after because they wanted to make sure there wasn't an obstruction in his bowel. It turned out that his bowels were paralyzed from all of the anesthesia and surgery. When we finally got home,Cruz and I recovered together with so much support from our family,friends and community. Cruz's teacher came over everyday to catch him up on things he'd missed.
A year has passed so quickly and Cruz's kidney is still doing well. He takes many medications and has to get blood work and shots twice a week, but it's still all worth having my little boy to cuddle everyday. We recently found out Cruz has liver issues and may possibly need a liver transplant down the road. Hopefully, it's way down the road,but only time will tell. I urge everyone to have "organ donor" on their drivers license. Happy Anniversary Cruz!! I love you.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
CRUZ
His name is Cruz
He is a drummer
He is a dirt bike rider
He is a fisherman
He is a student
He is amazing
He is a brat
He is brave
He keeps my faith
He makes me laugh
He makes me cry
He saved my life
He has my kidney
He has my love
He is a dwarf
He is my son.
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