Wow, we made it 10 years!!!!

I can't believe that it will be ten years that my wonderful fiance Mike and I have been together. I call him my fiance, but we are more like husband and wife. We aren't married in the eyes of the GOV, but we have made the commitment just the same. And we will eventually get married. He did propose to me in front of the guest and employees of an entire cruise ship! He's simply amazing!

Mike is such an awesome person. People are so amazed by him, and it's funny to hear people talk about him. You know the saying, "You can't judge a book by it's cover"? Well this is the perfect saying for him.

Mike is covered in tattoos and usually has a mo hawk or bleach blond hair. He has earrings and a nose ring. And because I'm a sucker for the bad boy image, I had to snatch him up for my own! But what I love most about Mike isn't his looks at all. He is very polite and does good deeds whenever he can. I love his lust for life, and his brilliant smile. He's a kid at heart and he always will be.

I knew Mike would be a good dad to our son even before Cruz was born. Kids flock to him like pigeons flock around McDonald's french fries. Many people in the area know him because he is in a local band. While we are celebrating ten years together, The Martini Bros. are celebrating almost fifteen years of amazing rock-n-roll! Mike's band has been around and it has given us awesome opportunities to see different places. They have played in many states and Mexico.

Mike loves adventure and riding his motorcycle. He is an amazing guy to have around when I'm doing homework because he does laundry,dishes and takes excellent care of Cruz, who needs shots twice a week. Yep, Mike does that too! He's just too good and I can't thank him enough for all he does. I am so lucky to have him and although we haven't had a perfect ten years, I'm looking forward to the rest of our lives together. I love him.......

Artist: R. Matson

Perks of being a Wallflower

So I had to see what all the talk was about. I'm so busy and I don't have a second to read or do anything else for that matter but I started reading Perks of being a Wallflower.

I didn't even make it to the second chapter and I started crying in hysterics because my daughter is turning 14 this week and my hormones are wacky. This book is about a boy going into high school and all that he encounters in life. I don't know what it is about this book but I love it and the way Charlie thinks. I'm also so scared for my daughter to grow up. It's happening and I can't stop it. I pray she makes good decisions.

This book brought back such memories of being younger. I was going into high school around the same time as Charlie in this book. I certainly wasn't a wallflower though.

Anyway, I had to put the book down and forget about it because I don't have time to read it; but as soon as I get a second I will finish the second half.
I recommend this book. 5 gold stars!!

Clarisse!! The Crazy Ones.

Clarisse reminds me of myself in so many ways. Maybe it's the way she explores nature. I love the forest. Nixon park it my favorite place to explore the outdoors. I saw this video at church and I instantly thought of Clarisse. Everyone should have a little crazy in them!!

Amazing Grace

As I sit here and try to think about what to write about, the only thing that comes to my mind is life and the very reason I think we are here on this planet. I know I wouldn't have understood it three years ago, even though I thought that I did. I didn't understand to much of anything until God gave me the smack down. Haha, the smack down, that's what I like to call it anyway. I say the same thing to my kids when they act up. "You be playin around,you be layin around", I say; just jokingly of coarse. What I mean by all of this is the lessons of life. I believe that our life lessons are the purpose of our existence.


Looking back I think about what a punk I really was, all the while thinking I knew everything. I'm not saying I know everything now, but I am so, so much wiser than before. Many people and things can be teachers, but there is no greater teacher than God. God amazed me in the lesson he unfolded before me. This lesson is my life, why I live it and how it has shaped me into the person I am today. Each person,I imagine, will experience their own personal lessons. Mine couldn't have come at a more perfect time in my life. It was a time of self pity and depression. Alcoholism, sin and self-destruction were all on my "TEAM". I just thank God that Jesus was my coach that called me out to sit on his bench.

After all of these years of blocking out any internal thoughts of what is right and what is wrong,I finally turned to faith. Was it my own selfishness that kept me away from my spiritual growth or was it just my own sinful human nature? Was I forced into my spirituality? No, I chose to answer the knocking of Christ at my door and I couldn't be more happy. I sat on his bench and a veil was lifted off of my face. A veil of darkness that secluded me from really enjoying life. A veil that covered my eyes from so many things around me. Sometimes I feel like I see too much and my heart aches at the things I witness and the things I read about;things from the past and present in my life and in other peoples lives. I have heard the song Amazing Grace a million times, but until that veil was lifted I really never felt the song. I heard it the other day and now, finally, now I feel the song. Why did I wait so long? Accepting Christ truly is amazing grace. I believe people are here to grow and learn spiritually. I'm so excited for my personal growth everyday. My prayer is to see all people around me experience what I have and how I feel on a daily basis. I found this scripture in the bible after I made my own personal simile of Christ knocking at the door to my soul. I was stunned at the similarity:

19 "Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline.
So be earnest, and repent.20 Here I am!I stand
at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice
and opens the door,I will come in and eat with
him, and he with me.21 To him who overcomes,I will
give the right to sit with me on my throne,just as I
overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne.22
He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says
to the Churches."
Revelations 3 19-22

Happy Kidney Transplant Anniversary Cruz!!

Today, February 10Th, is the one year anniversary of my son's kidney transplant. This time last year we were at Hershey Medical Center and I was the first one to go into surgery so they could take my kidney to give to Cruz. Our surgeries lasted a total of seven hours, but this experience will be with me for a lifetime.

In the Spring of 2008 we had been treating Cruz for high blood pressure for about a year when his family physician called me to say that he had just received Cruz's weekly blood work and that he was going into renal (kidney) failure. He told me that he needed to get to Hershey Medical Center asap! This is where we met his two amazing and brilliant pediatric nephrologist,(kidney doctors)Dr. Steven Wassner and Dr. Deborah Kees-Foltz. Briefly, I thought my nightmare had ended because we found doctors that were going to monitor Cruz and help his kidneys with medication and diet, but I soon realized that it had only just begun.

We were taking care of Cruz as best as we could but his creatinine levels were worsening faster and faster. By the time fall came around Cruz was on the strictest diet plan. I remember asking" What am I going to feed my kid,cotton balls?" Cruz eventually got too sick to go to school. He had no energy at all and was very pail. His doctors said that it was time for dialysis. The doctors explained that Peritoneal dialysis would be best for him. This is where a catheter is placed in your abdomen lining and a machine called the Cycler fills your peritoneum with a sugary fluid. To put it into easy terms, the fluid absorbs the toxins in your blood and then is drained into a bucket where it then fills you back up and drains you over and over again during a ten hour cycle.

Cruz had his peritoneal catheter surgically placed in October of 2008. We spent two and a half long weeks in the hospital. Cruz had complications with his oxygen levels
and ended up having other minor procedures done. During our stay we learned how to use the Cycler and how to prep Cruz every night to be hooked up to it. All of this happened so quickly and it was so overwhelming, I had no time to do anything else but focus completely on my child. There was an incident with his oxygen level that was so bad that twice in a row it had dropped to zero and his lips turned blue. Talk about a very scary moment in my life! Whew! He left the hospital with some energy, a catheter and no tonsils or adenoids.

Myself and Cruz's dad, Mike, were like medical pros after leaving the hospital. We would hook Cruz up to his Cycler every night at eight pm. Cruz would cry at first because he said that it hurt. It took some time to get him use to it. Cruz went back to school with his catheter under his shirt. He thought it was cool to show all of his friends his new piece of equipment and he was feeling great. Now, it was time to start testing for transplant donors. Mike and I happily went to every test the doctors had to perform on us to see if we were a match for Cruz. We had to do numerous blood test, test to check our hearts, and psychological test. The doctors chose me because of my size and I couldn't have been more happy. Cruz was a little upset at first because he didn't want a "girl" kidney. We all laughed at that.

The transplant was scheduled for February 10Th, 2009 and we had to be at the hospital at five am. The night before, Cruz's teacher came over and said and beautiful prayer with our family and friends. I was completely at ease that all of this was in God"s hands. We both went in to get our IVs and all the bells and whistles hooked up to us. I gave my family and Cruz a big hug and told them I loved them and then I was shipped off to surgery. They did my nephrectomy laparoscopically and pulled my kidney from a small incision above my pubic bone. When I woke up I was in extreme pain but it was all worth it. They inserted my kidney into Cruz by cutting a 10 inch incision down the middle of his belly. His surgeon was Dr. Aktar Khan and he was amazing.

The next three weeks was filled with many complications for Cruz, although his new kidney was doing excellent. He ended up going back to surgery a few days after because they wanted to make sure there wasn't an obstruction in his bowel. It turned out that his bowels were paralyzed from all of the anesthesia and surgery. When we finally got home,Cruz and I recovered together with so much support from our family,friends and community. Cruz's teacher came over everyday to catch him up on things he'd missed.

A year has passed so quickly and Cruz's kidney is still doing well. He takes many medications and has to get blood work and shots twice a week, but it's still all worth having my little boy to cuddle everyday. We recently found out Cruz has liver issues and may possibly need a liver transplant down the road. Hopefully, it's way down the road,but only time will tell. I urge everyone to have "organ donor" on their drivers license. Happy Anniversary Cruz!! I love you.

CRUZ

His name is Cruz

He is a drummer


He is a dirt bike rider


He is a fisherman


He is a student


He is amazing


He is a brat


He is brave


He keeps my faith


He makes me laugh


He makes me cry


He saved my life


He has my kidney


He has my love


He is a dwarf


He is my son.

They told me......but they really didn't tell me.

I'm sure most of you have heard people say, "Having a baby will change your life forever", and then they repeat that same statement to get their point across, "No really, it will change your life. " I know I've heard people say this more than once, but since I became a mother to my beautiful daughter at the fairly young age of nineteen, I really didn't have too much time to contemplate this statement.


The birth of my daughter "seemed" to be life changing. I remember feeding her in the middle of the night, days after she was born, and completely losing it. By losing it, I mean crying in hysterics over the fact that I was totally responsible for this tiny human being for the rest of her life. That's what I thought everyone was talking about when they said " Having a baby will change your life".... Boy was I wrong.


During my daughters toddler years I thought, "Yeah, so you have a child to take care of, what's the big deal." "Ooh, how "life" changing... suck it up and be a mom." I continued thinking this even after my second child was born (a bouncing baby boy) and then I read a book that described this timeless statement more perfectly than I've ever heard anyone describe it. That book, and the life struggles I've had with my children, opened my eyes to that way of thinking forever.


The book describes becoming a parent on such a completely different level than I have ever heard because it talks about the person you were before you give birth and the person you are after you give birth. Basically, the book describes it like this, "When you have a child, the person you are dies", and so true that is. You are no longer the person that only cares about herself. Having a child brings on the most different kind of love that you will ever imagine and that feeling NEVER goes away. For the rest of your life your emotions for this child will continue, regardless of their age. They could be fifty-nine years old and you, the new you, will still have this continuous worry and undying love for your child.


I'm not trying to scare people away from having children. Have you ever heard the saying from Spiderman? "With great power, comes great responsibility." That's kind of the way I look at becoming a parent. It's the most beautiful and rewarding experience, but you have to have great responsibility. Oh, and you'll need to check your old self in at the door.